More “TMI” stuff below the line…
I’m due for another ultrasound soon (my 3rd) on my uterine fibroid. The pain levels have increased so much that I’m doubling over in pain. I hate taking medication of any sort, but I’m stuck taking Naproxen to help ease the pain the fibroid is causing me. My husband suspects that it has grown. Comparing the two existing ultrasounds from May 2017 to November 2017, it grew a whole centimeter. I also noticed the pain levels increasing back then, but this month alone (January), I can barely do simple house chores without it stabbing me with constant pain. The pain seems to pick up whenever I do any sort of physical activity, which sucks because I can’t even go out for a walk for some light exercise.
My current menstrual cycle is currently on day 13 with excessive bleeding. It only seems to stop when I take the Naproxen. I go through maxi pads and tampons ridiculously fast, which isn’t cheap. By fast, I mean I have to replace both because they’re literally soaked with blood every 1.5-3 hours. The ones I wear are the largest you can buy from Target, which is the Overnight (size 5) by Always pads and Ultra size tampon by Tampax. I’ve tried being environmentally safe and getting the cardboard type, but I already struggle with trying to insert the ones I am using. They don’t make them any bigger, which makes sense because they’re already almost too big! I was never much of a tampon user until the last 7 years due to my excessive bleeding issue. My mom frowned on us using them while we were growing up. I was taught to just wad up a huge lump of toilet paper and stuck it between my legs on top of the maxi pad. Yeah, not very effective, but what else could I do? I’ve always had a rather heavy bleeding but nowadays with this fibroid, it has become much worse.
On top of the excessive amounts of blood, I end up passing ridiculously large blood clots. They’re most of the time larger than the tampon itself! And the pain that comes shortly before they pass is almost on par with birthing contractions. I am forced to wake up every 1.5-3 hours every night to change my dressings. It’s beyond frustrating when you can’t even get a proper night’s rest. I’m almost always exhausted and too tired to cook or clean. I’m even nodding off typing this post. But I’m the type that takes forever to fall back asleep, then having to constantly wake up again and repeat the process is draining.
This was my third gynecologist in under 4 years. The original GYN that I was visiting for nearly 10 years told me nothing was wrong with me; that some women bleed heavier than others. I decided to get a second opinion and randomly googled another GYN in the area. She did find and diagnose me with this fibroid after sending me off for an ultrasound but didn’t seem to understand how to treat fibroids and told me that I’m just another statistic; that 30%-40% of women my age get them. She then handed me a generic brochure on fibroids. What she wouldn’t address was that despite the statistic, not all women suffer the same. There are women that get uterine fibroids and never feel any sort of pain or deal with excessive bleeding. But a few of us DO go through tons of pain and excessive bleeding. I wish she wouldn’t, as a medical professional, lump everyone in the same group. Instead, she told me that I can either try using birth control and pray it shrinks, or go with a hysterectomy. No other details or explanations on the procedure. Just another brochure. This new doctor that I was referred to by my general practitioner, however, explained in much more depth and detail on what I will expect. She also told me about other options, such as using an IUD and what it could possibly do for me.
The less invasive hysterectomy option can be done by small incisions, which means less recovery/downtime. It can also be performed as an outpatient under general anesthesia, meaning I can go home almost immediately after the operation. The GYN told me that this heavily depends on the size of my uterus, and with just feeling around from the exam, she said there’s probably a 70% chance that she can go this route. If my uterus turns out to be larger, then she’ll have to do a more traditional version of a hysterectomy, which includes slicing my abdomen open similar to how they perform C-section births. I’ll end up having to stay in the hospital for about 2-3 nights and the recovery time will take about 2-4 weeks longer (than the less evasive hysterectomy).
One thing that was brought up about my past medical history that did concern the GYN was that I’ve had heart surgery in the past that hasn’t been checked on in over 15 years, so she’s going to refer me to a cardiovascular doctor to get an updated echocardiogram on my heart before any operation is performed. Joy, more medical crap and insurance bills to deal with. Hopefully, our new insurance provider treats us better than our previous one (hubby’s employer just switched this year for the first time in about 10 years)!
I think because of the slight possibility of this becoming cancerous, it’ll be better off if I just completely eliminate the problem, which is removing my uterus. The doctor said she’d also remove my fallopian tubes since they’re unnecessary without a uterus anyway, but will leave my ovaries behind so I can naturally enter menopause when my body decides to do it. The process can go one of two ways, depending on the size of my uterus. She did do an exam on me today to try and get an estimate but will need to confirm via ultrasound and biopsy, which is scheduled for 28 February. I don’t really want to endure cancer on top of everything else.
Honestly, there are worse things than death… and if by any remote chance I’m THAT unlucky and end up with cancer, I’d rather just die and get it over with rather than suffer through more pain, chemo treatments, stress on my poor husband, and ultimately tons and tons of ridiculously expensive medical bills to pay off that doesn’t guarantee anything. This is my written wish that I do not wish to prolong my life by any means if it comes to that point. Just let me die and end the suffering I’ve had to put up with all of my life. Everyone, including my (so-called) family (who have long disowned me) and my husband, will be much better off without me anyway. I’m already distraught and deal with even more depression due to being rejected by my biological daughter that I met in 2016.